Hyrulian Guy
by Snidian
Summary: Songfic: A ballad focused on a lovable Zelda character. Based loosely on the song American Pie by Don McLean. Contains very light profanity.


Author's note: I do not own any characters from the Legend of Zelda series. The original lyrics to this song are by Don McLean.

**Hyrulian Guy**

A long, long time ago …

In a land full of adventure

There was a hero on a time-based trial

He got money chopping plants

Wearing a tunic instead of pants

And so acquired a tidy Rupee pile

But he went towards the river

And his spine gave him a shiver

Because he became so lost

Yes, he became so lost

I can't remember if he cried

Despite the courage he held inside

But then he saw a man on a balloon ride …

The day he found a guide.

Fly, fly, weird Hyrulian guy

You're a scary hairy fairy or you're just a big lie

You descend to the ground with a glint in your eye

Thinking, 'If I don't get paid I will die.

If I don't get paid I will die.'

Did he draw the maps of love?

While floating in the sky above?

He certainly would tell you so

Do you believe he has a fairy's soul

Or has his mind taken a great toll

Perhaps having been stolen by a Poe?

Well the hero knew by a whim

The weirdo was trying to help him

Through the outside of green clothes

Tingle's cheeks were the color of a rose

The hero did not want to end up stuck

Like in a barn with crazy monsters that cluck

So he bought a map and tried his luck …

The day he found a guide.

Fly, fly, weird Hyrulian guy

You're a scary hairy fairy or you're just a big lie

You descend to the ground with a glint in your eye

Thinking, 'If I don't get paid I will die.

If I don't get paid I will die.'

Now Link was never really on his own

There was always guidance from the princess on the throne

Or from a giant owl in a tree

Or from a fairy nice or a fairy mean

Or from a smart-aleck hat of green

But their help was not as reliable as it could be

But when he said farewell to this chap

And took out the river map

It was surprisingly easy to learn

He did not miss a single turn

So he defeated Odolwa

The masked warrior that followed no law

With an arrow lodged neatly in its jaw …

The day he found a guide.

Fly, fly, weird Hyrulian guy

You're a scary hairy fairy or you're just a big lie

You descend to the ground with a glint in your eye

Thinking, 'If I don't get paid I will die.

If I don't get paid I will die.'

Helter-skelter in a frozen shelter

The Gorons really needed a smelter

Eight miles high with a windy blast

The villagers would never last

Link tried to scale the mountain pass

Without letting the cold freeze off his ass

The air was blistering, but very soon

The hero saw a red balloon

And without a passing glance

Tingle landed and started to dance

He took out his pen and soon revealed

An intricate map of the snowy field

And Link went on his way with sword and shield …

The day he found a guide.

Fly, fly, weird Hyrulian guy

You're a scary hairy fairy or you're just a big lie

You descend to the ground with a glint in your eye

Thinking, 'If I don't get paid I will die.

If I don't get paid I will die.'

Link kept traveling all over the place

Pastor of both time and space

With unlimited time to start again

At the sea he saw his guide both nimble and quick

Tingle took out his writing stick

And sold a map to his only friend

He risked both life and limb

Above the sea where he could not swim

He'd risk the chance that he could have fell

To make a map that he could sell

And then his balloon rose into the night

To continue with his endless flight

Link saw Tingle laughing with delight …

The day he found a guide.

Fly, fly, weird Hyrulian guy

You're a scary hairy fairy or you're just a big lie

You descend to the ground with a glint in your eye

Thinking, 'If I don't get paid I will die.

If I don't get paid I will die.'

Again in the desert Link saw some good news

He met again the fairy man that didn't wear shoes

Tingle smiled and started drawing away

Before Link left to the next temple place

The short man looked at him with a straight face

And said, "Link, I know that you will save the day."

And in Clock Town, the children screamed,

The lovers cried, the salesmen schemed,

But not a word was said,

Underneath the moon's glaring head

But then the four giants they admired most

From river, mountain, valley, and coast

Saved Termina from becoming toast …

The day he found a guide.

And Link was thinking:

Fly, fly, weird Hyrulian guy

You're a scary hairy fairy or you're just a big lie

You descend to the ground with a glint in your eye

Thinking, 'If I don't get paid I will die.'


End file.
